in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
