Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
