Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
