I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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