My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
