Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
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