They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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