____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I did not marry a roomba.
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