I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
