booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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