i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
