Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
