Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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