I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
