OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I supernannyed him into submission
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
