Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
