you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
