I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
There was a lot of him and a little penis
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
