Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
