so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
