he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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