So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
