I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Barsexuality is the new black.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
