Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
