Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
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