we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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