you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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