I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
