he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
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