I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
