Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
