My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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