I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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