I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
