Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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