did you get engaged???
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Everclear isn't food dammit
Randomize
