i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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