I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Randomize
