Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
