I murdered the dance floor call the cops
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
