i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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