Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
