she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
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