He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
