We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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