I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
