i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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