stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Never underestimate the power of titties
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