I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
