You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
