You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
