I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
