My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Randomize
