U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
