Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
