More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
