Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
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