i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
