Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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