I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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