The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
