Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
