we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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