Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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