So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
